Monday, September 21, 2009

So what do we do?

I really don't want this to turn into a Pro-Christian/Anti Christian anything. So if you're thinking about debating with me, just stop now. That is not what I am after here. Thank you.

Anyway! Moving right along.

We're talked about this before. I'm a Christian, Scott is not. We have talked about what place God will have in our home and in our family, and reached a place that we are both comfortable with. Basically if I want God to have a place in Websters life, its up to me. Scott is not interested in participating, but he won't hinder either. Which is fine. We need to be able to respect each others beliefs, values and opinions about this.
I'm pretty non-denominational, but if I had to choose, I lean more towards a Foursquare point of view. Scott was raised Catholic, but wants nothing to do with the Catholic Church. Since I'm not Catholic, thats fine with me!

So my dilemma is as follows. I want to do something to introduce Webster to the church at a young age. Something like a Baptism, Christening, dedication etc. Foursquare doesn't baptise infants, and a dedication really involves both parents. We're not Catholic, so a Christening seems odd. But I need to do something. I feel like I need to have this as a commitment from me to Webster that I will follow through on his relationship with God. I want for him to have the benefit of the community, and the lifelong foundation that the Church can bring. I think if there is some sort of ceremony, then I will be more likely to hold up my end of the bargain. I haven't been regularly attending church for years, if really ever. I don't have a home church. There are 2 that I know of that I am comfortable in, but it's really hard to get up and go to a new church where you don't know anyone all by your self. But I want to do that for Webster.

Anyway, back to the point at hand. What do we do? I talked to a couple people who have similar beliefs, and they suggested having a blessing. Which I think may be a good compromise, since we can do it where/when/how we want with family (And God Parents) present, without needing to be "members" of a church.

Did you have an alternate religious ceremony for your children? Anything you wish you would have done?

**I should add that Scott doesn't have anything against the Catholic Church, or any denomination in particular. He just "doesn't want what they are serving". It isn't anything against one belief over another. I misrepresented his viewpoint a little, and I don't want to do that. I respect his beliefs, and I don't want to twist them.** Pin It


Jenni said...

this is so crazy you brought this up - this was my next post on my blog. John and I are in the same position. I too feel like T needs a "foundation" and John does not object just wont be going. I have also thought about the blessing, christening thing but don;t know much about all these, So I'm curious to see other's opinions..
Very good post.. :0)

Carrie said...

My husband and I are having a very simliar problem. I will be reading your responses carefully to this one.

PeasOut said...

lol. At least I know I'm not alone!!

Jenni, if you were to go to church (or if you do) what denomination do you prefer?

Jenni said...

Mya- I'm pretty Non Demonational as well. Its funny you posted this because I felt a need to go to church lately and my BIL and Sister started going - So I took up there offer. I went to CCV this past weekend - I really liked it! Which is Christian. I feel like its not as strict and pretty laid back religion, but could teach Tristan core values and morals. More to follow in my blog. But Yea to answer your ? its Christian. (sorry for the rant).. haha

Samantha said...

Great question. I like the blessing idea you mentioned. Maybe a month or so after he is here, you could have close friends/family over to your house, have some appetizers, and then have some kind of special ceremony of your own. Maybe you and your husband can both write down a poem or a dedication for him, or how you want to raise him, or what your hopes/dreams are for him. That way your DH is involved, but he doesn't have to write his from a religious perspective. Maybe the guests can write down little blessings/wishes on cards that you can keep, and if they are comfortable, they can go around and read theirs out loud. Just an idea that came to me! :)

Samantha said...

Also, I've never heard of Foursquare before. Can you email me and tell me about it? DH and I are pretty non-denominational Christians, but are members of an Assemblies of God church. They do baby dedications up in front of the church, so that's what we'll be doing with Brayden a couple of months after he's born. They just tell the babies name, what the meaning of the name is, and pray for the baby and the family up in front of the church. Sometimes there will be a big group and they'll do all the dedications at once. It's pretty quick.

Jamie said...

Nice post!

Numerous discussions and debates over this topic.

Ryan and I are the opposite side of things. I am not religious but Ryan and his family are more religious. The church my family belongs to (I believe it is a cult, but that is besides the point) thinks that their church is the ONLY church out there. I won't have my children exposed to this religion.

I just want my child to grow up with spiritual beliefs. I wouldn't mind s/he being baptized in Ryan's religion (Lutheran) and being exposed to religion here and there. I think that is my initial plan. Just as long as they are not exposed to the beliefs of the cult that I was raised in.

Ryan and I have gone to a Lutheran church by our house. It really is my only exposure to another church besides cult church. When we made an appointment with the minister, he went over their beliefs. I really wasn't inline with their beliefs. Organized religion is very difficult for me.

PeasOut said...

Jenni - My BIL goes to that church as well! We'll have to go together sometime, thats one of the 2 I'm comfortable with, its just really far from my house.

Samantha - I'll try and email you a link ( to a local Foursquare Church here. They have podcasts of their services, so you can see a little bit of what its all about. You miss out on the fun part (the rock band!) on actually attending service, but you can get a much better idea of what Foursquare is. Also, check out the Mission Statement sections.

Jamie - What church does your family belong to? If you're not comfortable posting it here, you know how to get a hold of me!

Lisa said...

Well I was born/raised catholic, and my DH doesn't believe in god or religion at all. He is also fine with me raising the kids however I want, but will not "take part" in going to church, talking about it, praying, etc. which is fine by me. Since I am catholic, I baptized Kaylee catholic and plan to do the same with this baby. But I feel you on wanting to do "something" I feel like its a necessity almost and I am not uber religious either.

I would go with whatever church you plan on taking Webster too, and ask them what they reccomend. Maybe they can help you out with a blessing of some sort.

Stacey said...

Ok as you know I'm an atheist, I've actually had a couple of go rounds with Charles' family because they are luthern and think Colin should be baptised. In my opinion I think anything as personal as religion and taking on a religion should be a personal choice. If Colin grows up and decideds he wants to participate in a religion he has that choice, he can be baptised or whatever the tradition may be then. I won't make that decision for him. I think if you want to make a promise to raise him with certain values or beliefs then the blessing seems to be a good fit, He's not adapted into a particular faith, you've just made the promise to support him and help him find his faith. I have an insane interest in all relgions I find them fasinating, and I learned a lot about all sorts of faiths before I made my decision, and I was raised in a christian church, that was moderatly strict. Personally I think the orginization of religion has hurt it a great deal, they are all based on what people think god is saying, the best way to expose Webster to good morals and values, and a faith is to have those things be a part of your every day, a blessing, christining, baptistm whatever you may choose isn't going to do those things.

Again all of this is my opinion and I don't intend to offend, I know religion is a touch topic with everyone, even those of us who don't believe are sensitive to the discussion of our lack of beliefs sometimes.

autumn said...

Hi, I am a reader but haven't commented...until now.
My hubs and I are both Christian (non-denominational). We are planning on a baby dedication and then doing something that is along the lines of a blessing afterwards at our own home (we want everyone to be able to write a little note to our baby for her to have when she is older). However, I think that a dedication is not 'choosing religion for your child' or anything along those lines. I am a firm beliver that if my daughter chooses to become a Christian she will choose her baptism when she is ready to make that kind of commitment. Doing a blessing or a dedication is really more about the parents making a commitment to living a life that is in line with (whatever belifes you have) the religion that you follow. Also, it may seem dumb but I like the idea that there are people who will witness the dedication and hold me (and my hubs) accountable to what we are saying. Just my two cents!

PeasOut said...

Autumn - Thanks for commenting!

I totally agree with you on the accountability of it. That is a huge part of why I want to do something for him. A dedication doesn't work as well, since Scott isn't willing to make any sort of commitment to raising him with any religion. And I don't blame him, he doesn't believe in it, so why would he?

I'm leaning more towards a family centered event, maybe with everyone promising to help guide him along his chosen path as he needs it. Whether that be Christian, Aethiest, Buddist etc, we are all promising to love and support him.