Saturday, January 16, 2010


I think that everyone goes through stages of being responsible. Or at least thinking we are. You think you're responsible when you're 13, and allowed to go to the mall with your friends. You're no longer a child at 16 when you are responsible enough to drive a car, and you're able to hold a job. That responsibilty only increases at 18 living on your own, and 23ish, after you've graduated. I can tell you that when Scott and I bought our house, I felt pretty damn responsible. Or when we got married, and I became a Mrs.

Its all horseshit, pardon my language.

There has been nothing in my life that compares to the responsibility I feel because of my son. This is forever. I will be responsible for this little person for the rest of my life. Long after he "is all grown up" and responsible for himself. Even then, I will be responsible for the way he was raised, and the values he holds.

I think it may be different for dads. Not that Scott isn't responsible. He is. He might be the most responsible person I know. But sometimes it feels like he has a switch. He knows that I will take care of Wyatt, so he doesn't need to be responsible for him, and he is free to drink or play poker or whatever else he wants to do. I don't have that switch. Even though I know he is fully capable of taking care of him if I'm not there, I never stop thinking about them. Wondering what they are doing, if Wyatt is hungry, cranky, tired or needs a diaper change. Since he was born, I haven't really been able set aside the responsibility of being a mother. I have left him plenty of times. To see a movie, visit with my mother, help Jamie at the bridal show, it goes on. I have full confidence in Scotts parenting ability. But that responsibility is still there. I haven't gotten drunk, haven't taken any real "me" time with out Wyatt in tow, haven't just let him be fine.

And I'm afraid I never will... Pin It


Lisa said...

And its never will.

Even if you do take time (say, a week long vacay) its still there and your is different for men. Once your a mom, your always a mom and the switch never goes off. It takes some time to get used to, but as the weeks and months go by you wont even remeber or have desires for that "old" self of you have morphed into a new version of you, one that you havent seen before and one that you are still learning about! Its an interesting journey, but the best one ever!

Stacey @ Say Something Stacey said...

I agree, I don't think it ever changes totally. But you will find a balance. I have at least. But I disagree totally that it's different for dads. At least in the case of Charles. He is the same way I am as far as if we're away from Colin he wants to know what's going on. He will call me from work just to see how Colin is, ask if he napped things like that. We take turns as far as "letting go" for a while. I'll relax and have some drinks and he takes the lead and vis versa. But again that's Charles, he is a very very hands on dad. He loves it and Colin is the absolute center of his world, as Colin is the absolute center of my world. I don't think it's a mom/dad difference. I think it varies by person. Also I think it may kick in for different people at different times. For me it was the moment Colin was born. I fell in absolute and total love with him. And it was the same for Charles, when Colin was born he looked at me and said, he's here, everything is better now. And I knew he was ours to take care of, not until he's 18 or 21 but forever. If he comes to me at 90 (and I'm alive) and needs something it's done, no questions. I'd beg borrow and steal for that boy.

Tammy said...

It's something inbred in a mother I think. My daughter is 13 and I still wake up if I hear her get out of bed in the middle of the night, thinking she might be sick or something, and her room is at the other end of our home! I always say vacations aren't vacations because I'm never really relax, always worried about what might happen, or if she needs me. Some how Dads can turn that switch off when they know they're not needed. LOL!

mocha dad said...

Dads feel full responsibility for their children. Men are able to "turn it off" because many Moms think their partners parenting are inadequate. They may never use those words, but their actions speak loudly.

PeasOut said...

Mocha Dad, i hope that it didn't seem like I think Scott is inadequate. I am referring to one morning when he apologized for getting drunk the night before. He told me that the only reason he did so was because he knew I was taking care of Wyatt, so he didn't have to.

I just don't know if I could do that, not because I don't trust him, but because I WANT to do those things for my son.

Jodi said...

I think it depends on who the primary care taker is, usually Mom. Mocha Dad is right in my case I am in the habit of just taking over and yes I feel like I do a better jog. My dh is in the habit of arm chair parenting he makes more money though so he feels justified in helping less. That's the honest truth and you won't read it on my blog it has caused many a row that first year with kids. After a while you just get used to doing more the kids come to you for everything etc.