Saturday, June 28, 2008

I am a lousy blogger....

Well, I didn't make a new posts at all this week. It was a pretty stressful week for me. Scott was out of town, and I never like it when that happens.
The real reason I didn't post is I had a pregnancy scare. I wasn't exactly sure how I felt about it, and since I didn't really know one way or another, I wasn't quite ready to share yet. I thought about it, and the whole point of this blog is to provide on outlet. The upside is that the people in my life can stay up to date on my outlet if they so choose. So I shouldn't be afraid to put personal things in here. Basically, I'm asking for understanding. This blog is going to be quickly becoming a log of current events, not wishful thinking. I need this to be a place I can do that. So please understand that while I may be ready to blog about it, doesn't mean I'm ready to talk about it. So unless I bring it up first, please don't bring up the things you may read here in Real Life.

Anyway, here's what happened.
Short version: I'm not pregnant.
Long Version:
I have been charting for two months now, and both months have been very different. The first month I started charting, I wasn't using a Basal Body Temperature (BBT) thermometer. This is technically ok, but the level of accuracy is higher with a BBT. I bought a new one for Cycle 2.

Cycle 1:

As you can see below, last month I was "triphasic" (two distinct temp shifts).
This alone is not a guarantee of pg, but combined with a later period, and a longer luteal phase (the days to the right of the red cross hairs) makes for a very nervous Mya. Why, you may ask? Why would the possibility of a BFP (big fat positive) make you nervous? You just spent the last dozen blog entries telling us how much you want to be a mom....

Well, faithful reader, that answer is simple. If we get a BFP before Aug, I will not qualify for maternity leave. Part of that scenario doesn't bother me. I want to be a SAHM (stay at home mom) anyway, so the guarantee of a job after 12 weeks doesn't really affect me. However, the loss of our health care scares the shit out of me. No maternity leave =employer=no health care+new baby = unhappy Mya. Anyway, three BFNs (Big Fat Negative) later, I finally got AF (Aunt Flo). So no pea in the pod just yet.
Living through the last week taught me a lot about myself. I realized that as much as I want babies, I want even more to be smart and responsible about it. And having the week to get used to the idea of the possibility of a BFP made me realize how much I really want that. And it did the same for Scott.
When we first started talking about getting pg in the nearish future, it was in abstract terms. Then as we warmed up (ok, he warmed up) to the idea, we started thinking time frames. It started with summer 2009, then it got moved up after a wave of pg friends to Marchish 09. Then again to October, and October it stayed until last week.
This week we realized that all of the reasons we are waiting (travel plans, a new car etc) don't really matter. Expanding our family is fast becoming a priority. So now the plan is to start trying as soon as possible. Meaning August. Still need that maternity leave. Now, keep in mind we are not planning to "get pregnant" in August, simply to start trying. I am well aware that just because we say it's time, doesn't mean it happens that way. But we have to start somewhere.
Again, I ask that if you read it here, and I have not mentioned this to you personally, please don't bring it up. I'm ready to start sharing, but not discussing just yet.
Pin It