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Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Wow...

So much for writing two yesterday. I am a giant slacker. In truth, I simply had nothing to blog about. I thought about it. I really did, but nothing came to mind. Kind of like right now. So I guess I will just continue to ramble.

I had a very interesting conversation with my boss today at lunch. Somehow we started talking about how it really does change when you get married. Not in a bad way at all, but in a lot of ways your priorities shift. Your husband (well, at least mine) is your best friend. I don't do a lot of things without Scott any more. Not because I'm not allowed, or I can't, but mainly because I really don't want to. Gone are the days you can take off for a "girls weekend". The only way I'm going anywhere for a girls weekend is if we plan it to coincide with a "guys weekend" where we all stay together. I don't just spend the night at friends houses anymore. Not because I don't like them, but because I feel like I have a house and a husband now, and that is where I need to be at night. There are also events or activities that I just don't really feel are appropriate. For example, if I was invited to go out on a boat with a good girl friend and her group of friends (a fair amount of men I have never met) and my husband was unable to go, I would decline. I really don't think that is acceptable behavior for a married woman. I would know that I had no evil intentions, and my husband trusts me completely, but that is just not the point. As much fun as I'm sure it would be, part of being married is drawing a line. This line is more concrete, and has less "wiggle room" than it did before we were married.

Most nights I am content to stay at home with my husband and our dogs, read a book or watch TV. The idea of "clubbing" leaves me completely disinterested. 90% of the people who go to clubs are either looking for someone, or open to meeting someone. I don't feel like I need to be in that environment. I really do feel that I am now part of a package deal. Where he goes, I go and vice versa. Now, don't think I don't have my own life, or my own friends. I do. And I have plenty of time for them. But now, as unfortunate as it sounds, that all comes second. When I took the vows to love, honor and cherish above all others, I meant them. If for some reason I really want Scott to stay home instead of playing poker he does. If he wants me to stay home instead of going shopping or something, I do. Rarely do we ever ask that of each other, but the reality is that if we asked, it would be no problem.

I think that a lot of "unmarried people" (don't want to call them single, because they might not be) don't really understand that. They see it as controlling, or jealous, or smothering. That is just not the case. The way I see it is this. Scott is truly my best friend. In reality he will be by my side every day and every night until death do us part. I don't spend as much time with him, talking to him or thinking about him as I do because we're married; I do it because I love him and I want to be with him all the time. Most things that I do would be more fun if he was there too. That's not to say that I don't enjoy happy hour with the girls, or a girls day shopping. It's just that if I don't jump at the opportunity, or commit to a once a week get together, don't be surprised. I really do value the time I spend with him. While it may seem to you boring and "old" to me this is life. I chose it on purpose and it's exactly where I want to be. Pin It

4 comments:

Melissa said...

I think you have a good perspective on this. It's hard because I've seen a lot of my married friends are that way and I totally respect and appreciate that. If I were married, I'm sure I'd feel the same way. Heck, when I'm in a serious relationship that's how I feel, even without being married.

What bothers me, is that I know of one person (I believe you know who I'm referring to, and if you don't, ask me later :)) who gets upset when I forget to invite her to do something that is just really a "single girl" activity. It's not that I don't want to hang out with her, I just know that if I were married, I sure as heck wouldn't be interested.

Michelle said...

I agree 100%. My friends don't understand this about me even though I have explained it exactly the way you have. I think because A.) we're young still I am 23 and most of my friends are 22-23 years old and just graduating college or still in it. B.) I also have 3 kids which makes a big difference when they have none. C.) I am one of the very few who are married.

So although we're friend's we're on completely different levels! They invite me to the clubs all the time. Been there done that I am have no interest in it. Of course I do love my Girls Nights Out... I need them. Most times's I am completely happy watching a movie at home with my husband and kiddos.

kim said...

I love you guys! Well I'm single as you know and I am a total home body so I don't live the "normal" single girl life anyways....

You are one of my very best friends and I never feel that I don't get enough girl-time w/ you! You balance your husbands and your friends time very well and don't make any of us ever feel left out, well I never feel left out. I have many friends who are married and I know I am a second priority as I should be but they make me feel like it as where you totally don't, I get my Mya fix often! :o)

Donna said...

It's like you're reading my mind!! I wish people understood this but until they find that person and realize what marriage really is, I'm afraid they'll never understand. I feel the same way and I couldn't have said it better if I tried!!