Thursday, June 10, 2010

Life in general.

Other than the giant hole in my house life has been pretty uneventful. Only not really.

I started a new job. Which I LOVE. It is challenging, but I am the type of person that I need that challenge, or I just get bored. And the more bored I am the less work I do. It's a very vicious cycle. The environment at the new place (and no, I won't list the employer) is wonderful. It's 90% women, and while normally you would think that means catty, gossiping and backstabbing, its not like that at all. Everyone there is just genuinely nice. Like the unicorns that fart fairy dust nice. Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing there, because I'm not that nice. But it is actually a really fun and nurturing place to be. Yeah, I literally have ZERO personal time other than lunch and my breaks to pump, but being so busy the day just flies by. I accidentally worked hallf an hour late, simply because I didn't realize what time it was!

We are all moved in to the new house, and the jungle weeds are gone! Getting the old house packed with Scott out of town for work and a 6 month old was not fun. I hereby solemnly swear that I am not moving again until we can afford to have someone just move us. Pack it all up, move it and even unpack it again. Never again. UNpacking the house with Scott out of town and a 6 month old was even less fun. Gah. I don't even want to think about it. We haven't done any decorating yet, but once life calms down a little I have big plans for this place. And I will share it with you, one room at a time.

Scott thought he had a heart attack and went to the ER while he was gone. That was probably one of the scariest times of my life. He was out of town, so I couldn't go to him, and even if I could've, what could I have done? Add into that the fact that we are between insurance right now (the old job screwed up my COBRA paperwork. Thanks for that, by the way.) and I almost had a heart attack of my own. He's fine. It was a combination of stress, dehydration and anxiety, and since it happened on site, he is eligible for workmans comp. Thank God.

My mom was diagnosed with uterine cancer the week Wyatt was born (yeah, I know I never mentioned it, and I hesitate to do so now. I feel like it's her story to tell, not mine.) and underwent chemo for almost six months. She had her first blood tests this week to check her tumor markers to make sure the chemo worked. At one point in treatment they were 4000+, the last cycle the were 264, but her whiteblood was too low to do anymore treatments. Now, they are down to 42. FORTY-TWO. "Normal" levels are 36! So she is officially in remission! She will have to get her blood checked pretty regularly for a while, but with time even those visits will get fewer and farther between. So for now, we are pleased!

I thought I might have developed PPD. I wasn't sure, since most of the things that set post partum depression apart from any other type of depression don't really fit. I have never had any thoughts of harm coming to my child (by me or any one else), I don't resent him, and his crying doesn't send me over the edge. Sure I don't like it, but who LIKES to hear their baby cry anyway? But I couldn't shake this funk. My sex drive is nonexistant (sorry, Dad!) I am completely unhappy with my appearance, but yet I don't do anything about it and I just feel so blah about everything. And then it occured to me. Duh. I have fibromyalgia. This is not news, but I have been very lucky in the past few years that it has almost gone unnoticed. And depression has never been one of my symptoms. But over the last few months I have noticed an almost daily increase in my pain levels. Fibro is a vicious cycle as well. The better your body feels, the better you feel emotionally. The adverse is true as well. The worse I feel physically, everything else gets screwed too. I have trouble sleeping, and now the depression has arrived. It's not too bad, honestly. I almost feel like a wuss even talking about it since it really is so mild. But it's there. And I'm not sure what to do about it. I have a few changes I've been thinking about lately, but nothing set in stone. A new haircut (look for a post on that coming soon!), I want to start swimming more and I hope to take a Mommy and Me swim class with Wyatt (and Lisap!) this summer, and I'm looking into Wii fit. If I can start to get more active, those endorphins will do wonders. I am going to bring my yoga ball to the office to replace my desk chair. It worked so well to relieve the pain in my hips while I was pregnant, I hope it will do the same thing now.

This has gotten long enough, and I could keep going! I know I haven't updated on the little man, but that's because he deserves a post all his own! So here's another piece of cuteness.

Until next time, blogosphere!

What? Socks isn't cute enough for you? Alright then. here you go.

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anna said...

sister glad to have you back! i think wii fit is a great idea. i really want one myself. and its something you can do with wyatt right by you.

ive noticed that too: when i have good days with gp and my stomach is empty and im not in pain or sluggish, i feel beautiful and happy and ready for anything. but days when i ate meat that week, or i got french fries instead of salad, i am tired and unwilling to do anything, irritated, weighed down, and above all, i just feel ugly. when someone feels ugly, it is always accompanied by depression.

on the good days, it's hard to remember that the permanent condition exists, it feels so small. but on the bad days, its anything but small. just remember its not your fault, theres nothing wrong with your heart or mind (simply your body,) and youre definitely not weak.

im glad scott and mom are doing better!

Lensa said...

Mya - I think you already know this, but I think you are a wonderful mother and a great wife. Scott and Wyatt are both lucky to have you. I think I can understand some of what you are going through right now, I said "some" because I really can't begin to comprehend what I would do if I knew my mom was going through chemo. (I will talk to you more about that in person) but I just wanted to say, hang in there, you are doing wonderful. and now, I wish I had helped you with unpacking (sorry, I am such a bad neighbour!)
now, about the hair cut, I say go short! (you don't know just how easy it is to manage after that, I love mine!!) and I think with your face structure, it is going to look so cute!
and finally, I think Wyatt is one of the cuttest kids I have ever seen (honest!) I told you, you guys would make such cute kids!